Life on the Moon.

You’re gunna have alot of explaining to do when The Big Dude upstairs asks you about how you spent your time on CraigsList.

I’ve been house-searching my little heart out because, literally, within DAYS of moving into our new house, my new landlord got a call from my old Property Management (because we put them down as our ‘Rental History’ because, come on, we lived there for 2 years and were fantastic tenants)… Well, I’ll quote Kristy Munkres (who also lived in the same apartment complex): NEVER RENT THROUGH BAYVIEW PROPERTY MANAGEMENT.

When my landlord called for a reference, they decided to tell him that we owed them over $3,000 THOUSAND DOLLARS. For many reasons:

• We “broke our lease 3 months early and just left without letting them know so we need to pay for the rents that they weren’t getting any money. KEEP IN MIND: WE HAD A MONTH-TO-MONTH LEASE. Meaning there is literally NO LEASE. No contract for an allotted amount of time to stay residents. The only agreement with a Month-To-Month is that if you are still residing in your apartment on the first of the month, you have to live there and pay for the rest of that month. HOWEVER: If you moved out BEFORE the beginning of the next month: You are NOT responsible for the following month: Granted, you signed an “Intent to Vacate Notice.”
  
  
• Which brings me to their next allegation: They also said that even though I’m “claiming” I had a Month-To-Month (WHICH I DID), I never signed an “Intent to Vacate Notice”, therefore making me responsible for all the months up until the time we would have lived there for a year. (Which would be September. We moved out in June.) Even though I went there and filled out the entire form IN THE OFFICE (while my children were dripping Push-Pops all over their floor). Also! I got pulled over my a cop about 5 miles after I left the office and got out of the ticket by showing him my “Intent To Vacate Notice” that was sitting on my passenger’s seat and pretended it was an Eviction Notice and cried & said, “HEY. If I can’t even afford to have a HOUSE, how can I afford a TICKET?!” (I also want to mention that I got pulled over for going THIRTY-EIGHT in a THIRTY-FIVE. So, I felt no guilt for lying my way out.) But if I’d never signed this notice, as they are claiming, I’d have a ticket right now. And I don’t.

My landlord still hasn’t rented the house that we wanted and actually emailed me yesterday asking how everything with my Property Management was going because when he called & told me everything that Bayview had accused me of, I told him flat out: “Uh, that’s bullshit.”

But I don’t know how/when that whole fucked up situation will be resolved. So, just as a precaution, I’ve been looking for other houses if my landlord decides that it’s taking too long & he needs to rent it to someone else. (Understandable.)

And yesterday, I found this place and almost shit my pants:

Great home at an affordable price! Newer 3 bedroom 2 bath rambler with 2-car attached garage. Big kitchen opens to bright vaulted great room with easy maintenance laminate flooring. Long spacious deck on back of home.

I loved it! It’s obviously gorgeous. Very well taken care of. The only downside was that it was a little out of my ideal driving range from work-to-home for Stephen & I.

And, by “ideal driving time”, I mean: “Not a 35 minute drive to work.”

But then I looked at the rent: $650.

SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS? That is literally $800 cheaper than the place we were looking at and just as nice. Fuck 35 minutes of driving time: I want $800 extra dollars a month! So, of course, I emailed them and this is what I got back:

From: lovegod270@gmail.com
To: Trina Moon

The House Is a Large 3 Bedroom 2 bath home. Which My wife and I occupied before leaving for Nigeria.We left on a self Mission following God’s Call to Preach the Word and Let people of all Nations Hear About Him. My wife and I thought of ourselves and asked God what we would Give him and He says we should sacrifice our life and give him the best we can,letting humans know about him. The bible  account of Luke 12: 29-31, Don’t seek what you will eat or what you will drink; neither be anxious. For the nations of the world seek after all of these things, but your Father knows that you need these things.But seek God’s Kingdom, and all these things will be added to you. We decided to do the missionary work.

So as you know where the house is located at 47 Louise View Dr, Bellingham WA 98229  Which my family and I have spent so much time and money to maintain it up till its standard. We have been trying our best to make the house as clean as possible, because am a clean person and we don’t like dirt around our surroundings and also the Bible says cleanliness is next to Godliness.

So we are looking for a well-behaved, clean and honest tenant to rent out our house too. So we  will like you to give us your word and promise us that you will take good care of our house so that we will be happy when we come to visit you in the future.. We would like to work any felixible plan you have on your term of renting,Long or short term or month by month.While we were leaving,we took along with us the keys just to view the Land if it would be favourable for God’s Work,on getting down here we decided to stay and Go On preaching the Good News.The Home was Formally FOR SALE but we have decided not to sell anymore so we would lay our head when we do come back to rest.Prior to our arriving back we shall be giving a 90 day notice to you if we finanly decide to rent to you.We shall be staying for upwards of five years here doing God’s Work.So kindly Get back to us with the application for below.

RENT APPLICATION FORM
FIRST NAME:__________________
MIDDLE NAME: _________________
LAST NAME: __________________
PROFESSION: ________________
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER: ____-_____-______
(CELL)PHONE () __________
(CELL)PHONE () _____________________
(WORK)PHONE () __________
KIDS _____ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ________
PRESENT ADDRESS: _____________________
CITY: _______________
STATE: ______________
ZIPCODE: _______________ HOW LONG? ______________IF RENTING
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?
IF THIS Home IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU,
HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING? _______________
WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN? ______________
IF YOU HAVE A PET,
NAME OF PET: _____________
KIND OF PETS: _____________
HABITS
DO YOU SMOKE? ___________
DO YOU DRINK? ______________
DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT? ____

Looking forward to hear from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file incase of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you.Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the key to you,please we are giving you all this base on trust and again i will want you to stick to your words,you know that,we do not see yet and only putting everything into Gods hand,so please do not let us down in this our property and God bless you more as you do this.Looking forward to hear from you.

Best Regards

Eiben  Eric C

Note: the Rent is $650 and security deposit is $600 

Cell Phone Number  : 0112348087759144 or +2348087759144 

I. Fucking. Hate. Getting. These. Emails. I spend alot of time on CraigsList and I always get these emails back. And for some Godforsaken reason (no pun intended) ALL of these people are in Nigeria. WHY NIGERIA, SCAMMERS? Why not Iraq or Iran or somewhere where Americans are actually trying to help out and you have alot more evidence to back up your lies? I mean, you’d think I’d have heard something on the news if thousands of Missionaries were over trying to make Nigeria a better place through God’s Great Plan while simultaneously renting out their houses and selling 8-week-old puppies via CraigsList.

From: Trina Moon
To: lovegod270@gmail.com

You’re going to Hell. Just sayin’.