The crazy antics, short stories & photo shoots of a married 22-year-old mom of a 6.5 year old boy, a 3 year old girl, a Chihuahua-Poodle and cat/small tiger. She drinks far too much caffeine, is willing to spend excessive amounts of money on purses, lives in her pajamas 92% of the time and occasionally finds time to blog.
Flash Back - June 30, 2006.
Found another old Xanga entry I thought might be good to post:
June 30, 2006.
i can be the first to say that growing up is NOT easy. we all hold onto things that have happend to us. we wonder what’s going to happen in the future. we sit there and worry about moments in our life that might have turned out diffrently if we would have done this or that. we wonder if people that we’ve lost touch with will ever come back. we wonder if our broken hearts will ever be fixed. we worry if we’ll ever find love. we see people and wish that we could have what they have. we worry if we’ll ever be able to forget something bad that’s happend. we wonder. we worry. we wish.
last night i laid in bed and thought about the last few years of my life. the important years. the years that have really had major affects on my life. i thought about choices i’ve made. good and bad ones. i thought of mistakes i’ve made. i thought of the moments in my life when i knew i did the right thing. i thought of some decisions i made that if i might have made a different one.. my life would be totally different right now. i thought about everything and i realized that THINKING about the past and WORRYING about it and WISHING that i’d done this or that differently.. isn’t going to do anything. wishing that i’d made a different decision isn’t going to MAKE that decision happen. i already made that decision and there is absolutely nothing i can do about it.
i finally realized that i just have to let go of what HAS BEEN and look ahead to what CAN BE. why sit in the past wishing that i would have done something different when there’s a whole future waiting for me to make the decisions i wished i had THEN… now. i might have made the wrong decisions in the past but that just made me know which decisions i need to make in the future: dont fall for dumb lines. dont care about what people say. dont wait around for someone who’s not willing to wait for you. dont go against your instinct when it’s telling you NO. dont worry about what people think of you. dont do the things that you’ve done in your past that you regret.
that’s the amazing part of having a past.. you know NOW what you should have THEN. if there’s something that you’ve done in your past that you regret.. you’ve just learned an important lesson that you will remember for the rest of your life. forever you will know NOT to make that decision again. and you have to think about it that way: anytime you’ve been hurt in your past.. it just teaches you how to NOT get hurt in your future. yeah, it hurts now but it’s going to make sure you dont hurt again. and it might seem like that pain is NEVER going to go away but someday, eventually, even if it seems like it takes forever…. it WILL go away.. and just think… because you got hurt in that way… you wont EVER have to do it again because now you know.. and you won’t let it happen again because you know damn well that you don’t want to feel that way again.
i’ve learned that i need to get out of my past.. look towards my future and know that everything really DOES happen for a reason. so i don’t need to hate myself for the mistakes i’ve made.. i just need to forgive myself for growing up.
